Awkwardness Always Seems to Hang Around
by bluebell 33
Summary: Fletcher is gay and is trying to get Skulduggery to go out with him, Dusk and Vaurien Scapegrace are in love, thing can't get any weirder... or can they? They do all this in an Awkward Silence
1. You wanna go out with me?

"So… you wanna go out with me?" Fletcher Renn asked for the millionth time…

"No, Fletcher"

"But… we'd be so good together!"

"No, Fletcher!"

"Please, one date…"

"No, Fletcher!"

"Come on, it's just one night, we'll go to a movie, maybe get something to eat, go clubbing, and then I might let you make-out with me!"

"For the last time, Fletcher, nooooooo!" shouted Skulduggery Pleasant…

* * *

**I just want to see what would happen if Fletcher was gay...**


	2. Love you

"I love you…:

"I love you too."

"But not as much as I love you."

"No, not as much as I love you!"

"No, I love you more!"

"No, I do!"

"No, I love you more, and you know it!"

"Look, I love you more and that's final, and if I hear one more word on this subject, I will kill you, do you understand?" asked Dusk in a menacing tone.

"Yes, dear!" answered Vaurien Scapegrace


	3. Love, tears and skeleton

Valkyrie Cain was crying, something she hadn't done for years, but she had a very good reason…

"I'm in love, Tanith..." She said in between sobs. "I'm in love with Skulduggery Pleasant."  
Tanith Low gasped. She had guested what Valkyrie was crying was all about, but now she knew she was right.

"Come on, Val, it can't be that bad!"

"Yes it is! I a normal, living, breathing human girl and he is a arrogant, sarcastic, big headed, walking, talking skeleton!" she shouted, before bursting in to tears again.

Tanith sighed softly. Val had a point, and a good one at that, but Tanith knew that Skulduggery felt the very same way…


	4. Lawfully Wedded

"Do you, Skulduggery Pleasant, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" asked the priest, standing in a beautiful meadow with little blue butterflies flying lazy around and yellow daisy everywhere.

"I Do." answered Skulduggery, an unhappy frown on his face as he looked down at the floor length dress he was wearing. It was pure white and had tiny pink beads all over it.

"Do you, Fletcher Renn, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I Do." Answered Fletcher Renn, a bright and happy smile covering his face, completely oblivious to the fact that the man he was about to wed was nowhere near as happy as he was.

"By the power invested in me by the Sanctuary of Ireland, I now pronounce you husband and…um...husband. You may now kiss the…um…husband."

Skulduggery looked at Fletcher, and shuddered at the thought of kissing him. He was about to run when Fletcher grabbed his arm to stop him going anywhere. Fletcher leaned in licking his lips.

Skulduggery Pleasant screamed like a little girl and yanked his arm back, losing his balance and went crashing to the floor, then-

He fell out of his chair, still screaming, arms waving wildly.

He looked around, searching for Fletcher and away of escape-

"What the?" he was in his own house, lying panting on the floor by his meditating chair.

"It must have been a dream." He said, still panting. "Thank god!"

"Hey, Skulduggery, why you on the floor? Here let me help you get up."

Skulduggery looked up, then screamed once again before running out the door.

"What did I do?" asked a very confused Fletcher Renn…


	5. Things to do

**Valkyries List of Things to Do Before Next Sunday.**

**1.** Tell Skulduggery it was me who put egg in his hat on April fools day…

**2.** Go to the super market 'cause we're out of milk… DAMM LAZY COWS!

**3.** Make Billy-Ray Sanguine fall in love with Fletcher.

**4.** Get Billy-Ray Sanguine to admit he's in love with Fletcher.

**5.** Go to Egypt and talk to a mummy about global warming and ways to reduce its carbon footprint…

**6. **Make French fries and then dance in the rain like the three year old I am!

**7.** Take Thrasher to see Zombie Land.

**8.** Get a tattoo _without_ Skulduggery finding out.

**9.** Make Skul and Ghastly make out and then declare there undying love for the white bunny rabbit from Alice in wonder land.

**10.** Fall down some stairs and stright into a swimming pool full of jelly and chocolate!

* * *

Hello to all those unlucky people who have stumbled across this flaming ball of misery and woe...

If you are kind enough could you please take your shoes of at the door anf don't forget to review until your fingers drop of, then review some more... Thank you all and now i'll be going... Bye!

P.s I love all things to do with chocolate! Three Second Dance Party!


	6. My love, My Heart

"Why did you ask me here, Vaurien? I have no wish to talk…" said Dusk, who was trying to marks the misery in his voice but failing epically.

"I wish to apologies for any hurt I may have-" began Vaurien, but Dusk cut him off.

"May have? May have? You ripped my heart out, then spat in my face! And you think you may have?" shouted Dusk.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, I never did, and some where deep down inside you, you know this! I love you, Dusk, and I always will!" Shouted Vaurien, then paled. They had never said the words before.

"Y-you l-love me?" Dusk said shakily.

"I've always loved you." Vaurien said quietly.

"Do you really love me?"

"Yes I really do."

Dusk looked so happy that he might scream and shout for joy. Instead he ran to Vaurien and throw him self into his arms. They kissed.


	7. Rumba

"Where are we going again, Val? And why do you need a video camera?" asked a slightly breathless and very annoyed Tanith Low as she hurried after Valkyire Cain, who was walking very quickly toward the Irish sanctuary, with a video camera tucked under her arm.

"Come on, come on, Tanith, we're going to be late!" Val said while reaching back and grabbing Taniths arm, dragging her alone.

But Tanith had had enough and, firmly planting her feet on the ground, said "Look, I'm not going anywhere until you tell me where it is we're going!"  
Valkyire, who had bean jerked to a halt when Tanith had stopped, turn with a sigh and leaned over to whisper in Taniths ear.

A grin spreading slowly over her face, Tanith started to drag Val towards the sanctuary.

When they got there, they began to run towards the ball room doors. On the doors there was a sign that said "Free Rumba Lessons! Learn to Dance the Way you've Always Dreamed."

They grin at each other, then pushed open the doors and entered, having to wade though the crowed of people to get closer to the stage that was at the front of the room, then they began to stretch like everybody else was.

After about five minutes a boyish, stupid haired and yet strangely familiar figure stepped out on to the stage. Val and Tanith quickly stuffed there fists into their mouths to shop there laughter from escaping. Val took the video camera and started to film.

"Ok, everyone pair up! We're going to start were we left of last week!" said the figure, walking across the stage to the CD player there and started the music. "Ok everyone got a partner? Good, now on my count! 1… 2…1! 2! 3! 4! Now, STEP TO THE LEFT, STEP TOP THE RIGHT AND RUMBA, RUMBA, RAMBA LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!" Shouted Fletcher Renn.

_Later that day at Ghastly shop…_

"That's, that's, that's so FUNNY!" said slightly breathless (an incredible herd feet for a skeleton) Skulduggery Pleasant

"I couldn't agree more!" said an equally breathless Ghastly Bespoke, while Tainth and Val were laughing so hard no noise come out so they just sat there clapping like retarded seals.

Suddenly Fletcher walked in.

"What are you guys laughing about?" he asked as he leaned over their shoulders to look at the TV.

He turned pale and his hair fell slowly side ways. He turned around and ran out the door to the sounds of laughing and Skulduggery shouting "RUMBA, RUMBA, RUMBA LIKE YOUR LIFE DEOENDS ON IT!"


	8. Good News

"Hey guys, we've got great new!" shouted Dusk and Vaurien Scapegrace together.

"What?" asked Valkyrie Cain "You're not evil anymore?"

"No, no, no guess again!" shouted Dusk in a sing-song voice.

"Um… you're getting a puppy?" Tanith Low asked this time.

"No, not that!" Vaurien said.

"You're going on a holiday to France!" said Skulduggery Pleasant, more a statement than a question.

"No…" said Dusk slightly depressed that no one had guessed yet…

"Um… you're moving in together?" asked Ghastly Bespoke.

"No it can't be that, they already live together" said Fletcher Renn. "You're writing a book?"

"No…" Said Vaurien.

"Ok, we give up! Tell us, what is your great news?" asked Skulduggery, who was angry at not being right…

Dusk and Vaurien looked at each other.

"You tell them!" said Dusk.

"No you tell them!" said Vaurien.

"Ok, I'll tell them!" said Dusk… suddenly he squealed and, thrusting out his left hand, shouted "We're getting married!"

There was a shocked silence…


	9. 10 Things

**The 10 things that Skulduggery is NOT allowed to do.**

**1**. Skulduggery is** NOT** allowed to steal Taniths high heeled shoes and declare to any one who'll listen that he is the prettiest skeleton in _all _the world.

**2**. Skulduggery is **NOT **allowed to dress up as a gigantic bunny at hop around singing the Branny theme song.

**3**. Skulduggery is **NOT **allowed to fly over Ireland, dropping M&M's on any one who looks up at him.

**4**. Skulduggery is **NOT **allowed to take over the world on Sunday; he's only allowed to take over the world on day's that _don't _end in Y.

**5**. Skulduggery is **NOT **allowed to feel up Valkyrie's reflection, like he's done so many time.

**6**. Skulduggery is also **NOT **allowed to lie to the post man and tell him he is in fact a middle-aged woman and the post man should let him ride in the post van.

**7**. Skulduggery is **NOT** allowed to go to the supermarket and try to shop-life a bottle of milk by hiding it in his ribcage.

**8**. Skulduggery is **NOT **allowed to sneak in to the sanctuary and steal the Grand Mages clothes and prance around shouting that now _he's _the Grand Mage they should all bow before him and declare their undying love for him.

**9**. Skulduggery is **NOT** allowed to go around at Halloween and tell all the little kids that his costume is cooler than theirs.

**10**. Skulduggery is **NOT** allowed to go to England and met the Queen and then ask her if she'll marry him.


	10. My Guide to Awkward Silences

**My guide to Awkward Silences, how to start one, how to know when you are in one, and how to get out of it…**

How to start an Awkward Silence…

Say, if you were watching a movie with your friends, and Skulduggery got up and started making out with Fletcher, then **this** would cause an Awkward Silence…

But if Skulduggery got up and started making out with Valkyrie, then it wouldn't cause an Awkward Silence, in fact it would course make people A (to look away with a smile on there faces… B (wolf whistling and/or clapping… C (exchange of money to who ever who the bet…

How to know when you are in an Awkward Silence…

If you are in an Awkward Silence, there will be a long, (throat-clearing, feet-shuffling, eye-averting.) silence…

How to get out of a Awkward Silence…

My theory is "When in Doubt Dance Out"…

It may cause an even more awkward, Awkward Silence, but at lest **you** are not there to see it…


	11. Burns your eyes

**Ok, i have to warn you that reading this may cause blindness, going insaniness and many other things.**

**I wrote this on a dear and am very sorry for the pain i am causing on thw world.**

* * *

"Oh. My. God…" said Valkyrie, staring with horror at what lay before her.

"I… I… It… It's so horrible!" Tanith shouted, sobbing into her hands.

Fletcher turned pale, then fell over backwards, out cold as Sanguine threw up his breakfast in to a near by bush. Mr. Bliss, who was passing by, took one look then ran away screaming "My eyes! THEY BURN!" while China was crying softly in the corner, muttering about a forgetting spell that she had come across in one of her books. Kenspeckle was walking round on circles, tearing his hair out and trying to use toilet seats as shoes. Dusk was standing on a very tall ladder and looked very close to jumping, Gordon was wondering if you could kill an echo and Caelan, Thrasher, The White Cleaver and Finbar were laughing hysterically at a cow that Wreath was painting black and singing "Bah, bah black sheep have you any wool?".

The Grotesquery and Springheeled Jack were fighting over a hat while throwing stale bread at any one who looked at them and Ghastly and Skulduggery were drawing on the Bentley with bright purple pens.

"I think… that I'm going… to go… lie down…" Said Valkyrie, looking faint, as she stumbled away from the image that would be burned into her mind for the rest of her life, the image of Thurid Guild and Vaurien Scapegrace making out passionately in Skuls favorite chair.


	12. The Proposal

"Ummmm… Dusk?" said a very nervous and slightly queasy Vaurien Scapegrace, who was lying beside a sleepy and slightly tipsy Dusk.

"Hmm…. yes?" said Dusk as he turned over, rolling so that the fires warmth was on his back.

"You… you know how we've been together for almost three months now?" asked Vaurien.

"Yeeesss, why?" answered Dusk, waking up slightly, his hair all messed up, eyes barely open.

"Well… I've been thinking…."

"That's not a good idea, stop immediately…"

"No, no I'm serious… I've been thinking that… maybe we should… you know… take this relationship a bit further… and maybe we could do that by… you know…" stuttered Vaurien, blushing slightly and looking at the roof as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"OMG! You mean…?" Dusk said excitedly, waking up and jumping up and down excitedly, waving his arms around.

"Yeah…" Vaurien said, glad that Dusk was happy about this.

**_Next morning…_**

"OMG! This is so great! I can't believe we actually did this!" shouted Dusk excitedly.

"I know, it's amazing!" said Vaurien, smiling as Dusk danced around and around.

"Here Cupcake, Cupcake, Cupcake, here Cupcake!" Dusk shouted, arms wide open as there new puppy, Cupcake, ran out of the bedroom and into his waiting arms. Cupcake knocked into him with enough force to knock him over backwards, while Vaurien just sat back and laughed…

"I'm so glad we decided to get a puppy!" said a very breathless Dusk, getting up and coming over to kiss Vaurien.

"Next step, getting married…" he whispered.

Vaurien pulled back and stared at him. "Is that some kind of a proposal?"

"Well… Yeah, I suppose it is…" Dusk said nervously, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, hands swinging nervously in front of him.

"Ok then… I suppose I say… yes…"

* * *

**Hae aliens, peoples, Barrys and others who i cant name or the WPPP will come after me...**

**Please, remember to take your shoes off at the door and dont forget to reveiw :) **

**Im am having computer troubles (as in, my one's broken and this is my brothers, hush he doesnt even know im in his house, ok thats a lie he does know im in his house, but he doesnt know im using his computer to upload story, he thinks im emailing my boss...um hi Mark, i will get around to emailing you its just... yeah this is more fun, not that i dont love spending half my life running around for you, but i do love to wirte and well, im really am working on that email, see? Im writing it right now! Well, kind of... so...) and i will try to have da next one up as soon as possible... dont hold your breath, please?**

**Thanks for da reading-ness, Byee!**


	13. Things to Love

**7 Things That YOU Can Love About Skulduggery Pleasant  
**(Written and Nailed To Trees All Around Dublin by Skulduggery Pleasant)

**1.** His charming humour and his impeccable dress sense e.g. his hat, suit and car (Skulduggery would like it known that yes, he knows you don't _wear_ a car exactly but his vehicle is to beautiful not to be mentioned.

**2.** His lovey bone structure and the fact his is the only living skeleton,

**3.** His style and taste in the way he has decorated not only his house, but the way he is secretly moving around Valkyries furniture whenever she isn't watching him.

**4.** His amazing cooking skills, which only extend to grilled cheese on toast but, for a skeleton, this is quite awesome.

**5.** His random ability to make up lists about himself that describe him perfectly with only SEVEN points about his amazing self when he could, in fact, go on and on for several HUNDERED points.

**6.** His awesome fire throwing skills. There aren't any other skeletons in the world that are quite as awesome as he is!

**7.** His inner (and outer) beauty. There are _NONE_ that could even _hope _to even_ dream_ about being as simple beautiful and naturally amazing as he. His is the beckon of beauty and hope in an otherwise slightly less the beautiful world. He is amazing. Worship his amazing smile, minions!


	14. A Married Man

Everyone thought he was the strong, silent type. Evil to the core. No love or happiness in his heart. Few knew that he was, in fact, a big softy. Few knew he had an obsession with china dolls or that he knew the recipe of marshmallow slice by heart. Few knew that he was nervous about the happiest day of his life. His wedding day. He sighed as he looked down the aisle, all the people waiting, watching. He caught the eyes of his love, who was standing there, waiting for him to walk down, to take the steps. And as he looked into his lover's eyes he felt a sense of peace overcome him. He took the first step, and the music began to play. His lover smiled, and he smiled back, glad that he was walking towards his future. No longer shall he be the fierce some Dusk, terror of the night. No longer shall he hide in the shadows without love. He would no longer be laughed at for being alone. He was who he was meant to be, with the one he was meant to be with. He was no longer a man without a last name. He is now Dusk Scapegrace.


	15. Honey

Solomon Wreath. He was a scary man. The name even scared people. He was scary and he knew it. The way he spoke. The way he acted. The way he danced. The way he killed. It was all scary and so he became extra scary by just being him. Or so he thought. He was scary and he knew it. He loved thinking abut himself and how scary he was. So it surprised him when he meet someone who didn't find him scary. He was really surprised.

Solomon Wreath was sitting at the end of the bar trying to drown his sorrows in beer. He was sitting there, trying to he extra scary, because he knew the serving girl was watching him, when he heard a high pitch but surprisingly sweet sound coming from the part of the bar that was behind him. Whoever was making such a beautiful sound was obviously singing a made up song about hating someone. Someone by the name of Skulduggery Pleasant. Solomon smiled before turning on his seat, coming face to face with a very drunk boy who was singing mare centimetres away from his face. The boy blew air into Solomon's face and giggled, almost falling over backwards in the processes.

"I hate Skulduggery Pleasant." He declared loudly once he had caught his balance again.

"I heard." Replied Solomon, trying no to smirk at the cute boy in front of him as he swayed again on his chair. "But why do you hate him?" he asked, curious about why the all great and famous Skulduggery would hate someone so cute.

"Because!" declared the boy, almost toppling over backwards if it weren't for Solomon catching his arm and pulling him upwards. "He won't give me the chance to show him how great we would be together! He won't get over his stupid self… so I hate him!"

Solomon raised his eyebrow. "Really? Well that's his loss, anyone would be lucky to have you with your amazing sing talents." He said, winking as he smirked.

The boy blushed, grinning uncontrollably. "you think?" he asked

Solomon looked forwards, pretending to put a thinking face on before glancing sideways at the boy. "Honey, I don't think… I know…"

"Honey? Since when have I been honey?" asked the boy, smiling sweetly and batting his eyes.

"Since about 5 seconds ago, honey." Solomon said with a smirk.

"Well, you're going to have to tell me your name before you go callin me honey." Said the boy as he swayed, grabbing onto Solomon's arm for support. Solomon pretended not to notice that he didn't let go, even once he had his balance back.

"Solomon. Solomon Wreath." He said, reaching out to take the boys hand. "And yours?"

"Fletcher. Fletcher Renn."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr Renn."

"Please… call me honey." Replied Fletcher with a wink.


End file.
